waa

im so mad at my self right now
its ridicilous
i just want someone to show me they love me
i need love
physical love
cuddling
hugs
all of that
im so sad
im so lonely
tonight, i am espically
im such a fucking idiot for thinking all that fucking shit but i cant help what i feel
i want to be held and loved :(
i want to cry but nothing is coming out
ITS A ICE CUBE IN MY ROOM
i might slip tonight
it might just happen
i just want to stay in my bed all day tomorrow, cuddled away, so no one can find me
i highly doubt they would find me anyways
because no one wants to be around me
i hatenfdasfsdajnsafdsandsadfna everything right now

fuck.

i am so fucking sick of feeling like people are fucking control my god damn fucking life. i am so fucking sick of being fucking nagged. i am so fucking sick of not feeling good enough, that i dont messure up. i am so fucking sick of being threatened by people. i am so fucking sick of my fucking school work hurtin because im afarid to say fucking no. do people not fucking understand that i have fucking work to do?!?!??!?! fuck i am so fucking sick of being fucking nagged. like fucccckk my life, just leave me fucking alone!!!!!!!!! stop being so fucking neeedddy, its so fucking pathetic and i hate it! fuck my life i hate it fuck fuck fuck. i feel like im not good enough or smart enough to be here. its like whatever i learn, it doesnt absorb into my brain. i dont feel pretty enough to be liked by anyone here. i feel like people judge me based on the way i look. im fucking sick of my fucking need to be wanted and loved. im sick of my phone vibrating. im sick of distractions. im sick of not being happy with what i have in life. im sick of so many things right now. im going to end up screaming at someone. im sick of hugging people and acting like i give a fucking about them. hugs are sickening me. fuck fuck fuck. i dont want to hug anyone anymore and act like i give a fuck. this smile is hurting, its starting to get fucking tired. i feel like cursing. im siiiiiccccccccckkkkkkkk of trying soooooooooooooo hardddddd...........its EXHAUSTING..........SO...........EXHAUSTING. playing this act, this act of this girl......this second person i have that i play.....its like my second ego. she is so tiring. i want not to give a fuck. but i care so fucking much. i want to just want this to be effortless............. im sick of lying.......lying to you and lying to him and him and him and him and you and you and you and soooo many fucking people.. and them..... and to myself. im tired of lying. i want to tell the truth, without being fucking ridculed for it because im always fucking ridculed for EVERYTHING I FUCKING DOOOOOOO
FUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF DSHAFDSADSADNASDSADJKSADFCHDSAFCSDGFSDGFSDFSAHDDSABDSADHUBSA DCSA
SO FUCKING MAD UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE PATHETIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
STOP TELLING ME WHAT IS RIGHT AND WHAT IS WRONG I DONT GIVE A FUCK ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! dasdsadsahdsahdfsadb UUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHH I DONT WANT TO HAVE TO EXPLAIN MYSELF ANYMORE IM SICK OF TELLING MY FUCKING STORY, WHY CANT I BE HAPPY WITH WHAT I HAVE?! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
that is what is going on in my head, right now.
fuck.

saying goodbye

i know i said before that i wanted my reality back but now im saying goodbye to something i didnt think id have too

im going home tomorrow... for the first time in over a month. i hope im not disappointed. i highly doubt i will be though. ive made a lot of unexpected connections here... im glad.. its like one of those things that you dont really questions about it..its just what life brings to you unexpectedly

i just want to be home right now :( home with people i love and know... and not surrounded by strangers
i sound so backwards its ridicilous

i have so much to say, not enough enegry .. i need to finish packing and showering .......................
jdsajdndabdhsadsansahdkbcdayrdsa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
i am lame.

I've got a tight grip on reality but I can't let go of what's in front of me here

ive been back and forth about putting this picture up for days
this may seem like nothing, but this is very vulnerable picture for me... it was taken in the heat of emotion... i just wanted to capture that
tell me what you think