the music will go louder and louder so i can dissovle in it... and if that doesnt work i just close my eyes and i melt into it....into my own perfect little world where nothing matters expect for the music at that specific moment... nothing else, nothing more
im disgusting. i hate looking at myself. i try to pretend sometimes that im someone that im not..that im beautiful. then i see something that reminds me that im not. not at all. im horrible. disgusting, fat, ugly. everything about me is ugly. everything. thats how i feel. i hate it... its these nights, at 3:44am in the morning, when im reminded that im not beautiful that makes me want to make myself sick... and to get all the ugly out... or it makes me never want to touch food for the rest of my life. right now i don't feel like slipping.. but i feel like this.. this other hidden problem i secretly have... the one that never comes up in my head, not very often, not this..obviously. its always in the back of my head.... that i could easily go borderline at anytime with this fucking disease im trying to aviod. fuck you ugly fuck you fucking ugly lazy piece of shit. thats what im saying to myself in my head right now. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
i love you sam.
ReplyDeletei've always known you are beautiful.
inside and out.
but what i've just read sounds alot like what i am going through.
were in it together baby.
oh baby, baby it's a wild world. it's hard to get by withh just a smile girl.
i love you very much, i never wanna see you sad girl :(
stay strong xoxoxoxoox
i love you so much alex, it hurts to be so far away from you :(
ReplyDeleteand you, my friend, are beautiful, inside and out..i never want to see you sad either bb, and im with you every step of the way
xoxoxoxooxoxo stay stronger