i love you and i miss you so much :( i miss your hugs and your loving and your kisses and everything and i'm so sad and i want you here so much :(
today isnt that fun. ive been away from home for a week now. my room is a complete and utter fucking mess right now... and my mind feels the same way. maybe thats from being lonely or it's from the amount of alchol i drank last night..or maybe it's a combination of both.
first experience of downtown corner brook last night. first experience drunk in corner brook last night. and first time drunk at university last night. it was fun. i enjoyed it more than being drunk or going downtown at home. the plan was to do it all over again tonight but i'm really not up for that right now. i'm so tired and worn out that i just can't do it tonight. besides, thats not me. i'm not a huge drinker anyways. everyone here seems to be though. no one understands where i come from with drinking... no one at all :( and if they do, their lying about it. even though i'm surrounded by 300 students living in residents, and even though i've made friends here, i'm still lonely. it's not the same thing as having your real friends around though... or your family. lucky for me though, i have an amazing family and i love them so much... and i miss them : ( i felt lonely at home though too.. a lot of the time. maybe thats how i am. it's not something to be proud of, not at all. i'm sitting at my desk, listening to people outside my door laughing and talking... and i feel jealous.. but annoyed. right now, i do want to be by myself because i don't want to put on an act and i don't want to put on a smile, because i don't feel that way right now... and i don't have enough mental strength to pretend that i do.
i miss other people too.. just the people that have always been there for the past couple years. i would miss them regardless of where i was in the world because they arn't in my life anymore. i always wonder if the type of relationship could change and we could become friends, who talk frequently about everything. i really hope so. i always want to be close with the people who i can't be close with. but theres no real reason we can't be close now.
going into my first acting class rekindled my stary eyed way about me when it came to acting and the stage. i'm so grateful for that because i was afarid it had burned out.
feeling sick, staying in bed and being a crab. i want to talk to someone :(
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